Post-Holiday Food, Cooking Thoughts

• Chapel Hill Herald (NC)-December 1, 2007
• Author: BERNADETTE PELISSIER Columnist

Before Thanksgiving all the talk is about with whom the holiday will be shared. We also talk about the menu.

At Thanksgiving we share a meal with family and friends and are thankful for what we have in our lives. It is the one holiday which focuses on food.

I wish we would focus more on cooking and food throughout the entire year. Food is such a powerful force for social cohesiveness. I'd like for more of us to spread the positive energy of Thanksgiving throughout the year.

I wonder how many families regularly eat a home-cooked meal together. I don't know the answer. But I do remember the reaction of my daughter's high school classmates, about 15 years ago, at an essay she wrote. In her essay she talked about our family meals and how they created a sense of togetherness.

She talked about how we altered the time for dinner depending on my son's basketball games or her evening volunteer activities. She mentioned how my son, then in middle school, would make a salad before I came home from work and how proud he was of his creations. She told me how surprised she was that her classmates thought her odd. Many of her classmates did not regularly sit down for dinner as a family. Rather, everyone ate something when they felt like it.

My 26-year-old son runs a small home-based business. Recently he suggested to his employees that everyone take a turn at cooking lunch once per week. They no longer eat lunch on the run, eat lunch alone or go out to a restaurant in the middle of the day. One of his employees has learned how to cook. Each person strives to cook a great meal and there is even some competition about who can cook the tastiest meals. He feels that this has created a greater desire for each person to nurture one another through their cooking. They now share something in addition to the business relationship and work as a team. My son says "you just need to cook with a little bit of love."

At Thanksgiving dinner one of my friends talked about the bond of trust created by sharing food together. About a year ago there was a major reorganization at his workplace. He had new lab mates and the group members didn't know each other. Initially they did not work together as a team. Having had some training by a pastry chef, my friend decided to bake a cake for each person's birthday. He asserts that the sharing of a birthday cake has created an atmosphere of trust among his coworkers. It took a while but they now work together as a team. It didn't happen with the first birthday cake.

Most of us do not get to choose our office mates. The value of teamwork is considered important. We attend lectures telling us about the importance of teamwork. From my experience, the essence of teamwork involves personal relationships of trust. This trust can be brought about through sharing of food prepared by individuals. Going out to lunch or dinner together is a good start. But there is something different about the food prepared by your co-worker or neighbor. That makes it much more personal.

I remember attending leadership training when I first became an officer in the Sierra Club some years ago. We were told that volunteer groups work together best when they have fun together. What better way to have fun than to share food prepared by volunteers?

So often I come across individuals who tell me that they don't have time to cook and that they don't enjoy it. Time constraints are a reality. I face them sometimes as well.

But I wish that our attitudes toward preparing food would change. I did not intentionally set out to teach my children how to cook. I simply did what my family did when I was growing up. Now I realize that I was teaching my children the value of sharing meals and cooking, which goes well beyond the need to eat.

They understand its value in nourishing social bonds. Rather than viewing cooking as a tedious chore, they look at it as a way to nourish their souls and that of others. Many take the step to travel across the country simply to share a meal together for Thanksgiving. Why not take the steps to cook and share meals regularly in our work and social arenas and create long-lasting social bonds with trust as a major ingredient?

Bernadette Pelissier is a retired social scientist who lives in Orange County and serves on several community boards. Readers can contact her at bpelissier@juno.com or c/o The Chapel Hill Herald, 106 Mallette St., Chapel Hill, NC 27516.